- Introduction to swingers lifestyle, links to useful swinger sites and interesting swingers stories to help you get started in swinging community.

Swinging Tips for First Timer

What goes on at your first swinger party can vary widely from couple to couple, party to party, and night to night. If you and your mate are having a bad energy day, you're probably going to find yourselves at a bad energy party. So the first thing you need at your inaugural swinger party is your best party mood.

Whether you answered an ad or got an invite from an acquaintance, you and your mate can arrive on the scene and easily convince yourselves that you're the odd couple out. You're sure everyone but you knows what they're doing. (Even though they don't). The best thing for a newbie to realize is that, apart from the initial social chatter, everyone else is probably just as blindly jostling, bumping, and guessing in the dark as you are. It's all about getting to know what other couples want.

Do they swap ?

Do they watch ?

Does he like guys ?

Does she like women ?

At any given swingers party, you and your partner will not be the only ones wondering these things. Other couples may be clinging to the few people they know (but aren't interested in playing with) because it's a comfort zone. But in the end, swingers go to parties to meet new couples. This means that being a little in the dark is part of the scene (even part of the excitement). What about a group where the guests all seem to know each other? Though they rarely know each other as well as you might think from the friendly greetings, you can be sure there's one couple at the party nobody knows -- you. And this means you'll be the subject of great curiosity. Think of this as an advantage, not a liability.

First, admit you and your partner are newbies. Most people are more than willing to help new people along. Then, if in doubt, watch. Watch for the rules of the house; watch how others make contact. The biggest difference between the newbie and the experienced swinger is that the more experienced swingers have a clearer picture of what they want. And yes, they've established some ways to go after it. But hanging back, taking it slow, is never frowned upon. Just remember, the first time out, you don't have to get lucky, you just have to have fun. Eventually, if not your first party then your third or fifth, you will get lucky -- provided you keep coming back. The bottom line is: your first experience is successful if it's pleasant, enticing, titillating enough to keep you coming back for more.

So here are a few rules you can take with you to make sure your first swinger experience leaves you with that pleasant afterglow.

Before you go to the party, discuss with your partner what you will and won't do, what you like and don't like, what you're hoping will happen versus what you're dreading might happen. Most negative first-time experiences come from a combination of the couple not knowing what to expect and their expecting to follow other couples' lead.

Don't feel pressured. Swinger etiquette is very protective of people's right to say "No, thank-you." Feel free to exercise that right. As long as you're polite, no one will hold it against you.

Make a "boundaries" list and stick to it. Know where your partner will and won't go. If something unexpected comes up and it's not on the "will do" list, try to get away and have a summit before responding. If you can't get away, let it go. Discuss it after the party and put it into the rule book for future reference. Don't feel you have to jump on every opportunity; a missed opportunity will enhance your desire to return -- which means the experience was a success.

Maintain solidarity with your partner. Jealousy, uncertainty, discomfort, a couple can ward off these potential negatives by maintaining their solidarity, by "checking in" with their mate and putting the relationship at the center of all decisions.

Be polite, by old-fashioned standards. Please, thank-you, no thank-you. Suggest rather than insist; decline with a smile rather than a scowl.

Let having fun be your goal.

And come fully prepared: have your sex goodies on hand in case you get lucky.



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